I recently (2007) returned from a conference on ‘change’ at the Initiatives of Change centre in Caux, Switzerland.
It was an amazing experience and I feel blessed to have been there. We learned a tremendous amount and one thing in particular, which is dear to my heart, is ‘making amends’. I have been in a 12-step recovery group for the last 10 years and one of the steps is about making amends. It is suggested that you take ‘quiet time’ to allow the people that you have harmed to come to mind. I remembered an incident in 1987 when I was working as a night Sister in a nursing home in Worthing. I stole £35 from someone’s wage packet that was locked in the drug cupboard. The Matron, the nursing home owner, put notices up reporting the loss but obviously I didn't admit to it! I had never really thought about it until this year when I was due to make my amends. So began my search...
The nursing home was now another care home and the Matron, Mrs Green, had long gone. I traced the gardener who thought he knew someone who was still in contact with her. After some months I eventually tracked her down: she was living in Devon. So my next task was to speak with her (she phoned me as I was not able to get her number).
I briefly explained that I needed to see her face to face as I had amends to make with her. Amazingly, she was coming to Worthing in August for a wedding and said we could meet in a café. The big day came and I purchased a lovely bunch of flowers and went to the café. I was so nervous as I didn't know how she would receive me but I knew it was the right thing to do. I bumped into two friends in the café, and told them both the story after their inquiries about the bouquet. One friend kept saying, as people went by, ‘Is that her?’ I hadn't seen her for 20 years. She was 15 minutes late and the most painful bit was the waiting. She arrived and I knew instantly it was her. I hugged her, bought us each a coffee, then said what I had done and how sorry I was. I gave her an envelope with the money in and waited for her response.... She just cried and said she was speechless. She asked me to give it to someone and we prayed about whom. (She was also a Christian, like me.) My sons came to mind and I gave them the money equally, telling them the story.
My youngest son, Elliot, decided to write to her, and part of what he said was: ‘Thank you for giving me the money my mum stole off you, and thank you for not sending her to prison as she could not cope with that!’
It did make me smile and the weight lifted off my shoulders was too wonderful for words.
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