One small glimmer of hope emerging from the clergy sexual abuse scandal embroiling the Catholic Church is that it brings into the public arena a topic which has often been swept under the carpet.
The issue is, of course, much broader than the Catholic Church. Psychology Today points out that statistically Catholic priests are no more likely to be abusers than other clergy, or men in general. Several recent studies indicate that four per cent of Catholic priests in the USA have sexually victimized minors over the last 50 years. That figure seems horribly high – until you compare it with the rates among school teachers (five per cent) or the general population. Current figures indicate that 17% of women and 12% of men in the USA were sexually violated as children by adults.
Clearly this is a major problem. The abuse literally destroys lives and whole families. The following account, from someone who was abused by a relative and wishes to remain anonymous, shows why it is so important for the whole of society, not just the Catholic Church, to acknowledge and own this problem.
My experience of childhood sexual abuse has affected me very greatly. It robbed me of the chance to trust people and to see myself as an inherently good person.
This loss of trust has most affected my relationships with my parents – especially my mother. For many years I felt she had failed me by not protecting me from the abuse and even by placing me directly in its path. It has taken a very long time and much work to understand that my mother simply did the best she could and didn’t know that I was being abused. Not believing that she did not know resulted in me shutting her out of my life for many years.
Like many victims, I blamed myself for the abuse and saw myself as a bad and worthless person. As a teenager I acted out sexually, misbehaved at school, and used food as a way of regaining some sense of control over my life. This made me feel even worse about myself. I did not let anyone get close to me, as I feared they would discover what a bad and filthy person I was. My teenage years were desperately lonely and depressed. Many times I contemplated suicide.
The healing process has taken decades. At first I sought help from the mental health system for my depression, anxiety and eating disorder. When my story of sexual abuse was disbelieved I felt very isolated. This caused me to doubt myself and to avoid seeking assistance for many years. Later, when I was believed, the psychiatrists did not know how to help me.
Eventually I found my way to specialized services for sexual assault victims, and this is where my healing really began in earnest. The most important part of my journey has been meeting with other women who have had similar experiences. Sharing our stories was incredibly powerful and finally helped me to realise that this was not my fault.
In sharing my story with others I have, for the most part, been believed and supported – particularly by my husband, mother and sisters. Others in my wider circle of friends and family have sometimes expressed doubt about women who come forward and report sexual assault – especially after many years have passed. I think this represents a continuing denial of the issue in society, and one that we must continue to work to overcome.
The current scandal raises many questions: about institutional accountability and failures; about whether we see abuse first and foremost as a sin or a criminal act; about the nature of spiritual and temporal authority and whom we can trust.
As an institution based on moral and spiritual values, the Catholic Church holds itself to a higher standard than the rest of society and can reasonably expect to be in the firing line.
But in all the pain and anger around this tragedy, I hope that we can, above all, listen to the voices of those who have suffered from childhood abuse. It may be a part of their healing process – and ours.
NOTE: Individuals of many cultures, nationalities, religions, and beliefs are actively involved with Initiatives of Change. These commentaries represent the views of the writer and not necessarily those of Initiatives of Change as a whole.
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