The President of IofC International, Gerald Pillay, has expressed a desire for a return to the basics introduced by Frank Buchman. So, let us explore how Buchman got started.
The defining experience for Frank Buchman began in a church in England. There was a recent event that had drastically affected his life. As the manager of an orphanage in Boston, he had been told by the six-man board that he was spending too much money. He took this very hard. He quit and became sick. He accused these men of destroying his life's work. In a small church in England he heard a woman speaking about the cross. He saw in his mind's eye how the cross took on the meaning that God's will crosses his will. He realized that his hatred of the six men on the board was just as wrong as what they had done to him. On the same day, he wrote a letter to each member of the board asking for forgiveness for his hatred. No one replied, but this act gave him inner peace. He recovered his health. He shared this experience with a friend and found that it changed the friend's life.
I was not aware that I was a seeker, but when I was introduced to MRA/IofC, I instinctively felt that this was what I had been looking for. I felt that I wanted to be a part of it. The theory was easy to understand. Listen to your inner self and start by comparing your life to the four absolute standards - honesty, purity, unselfishness and love - and let your inner voice tell you where to start. Then the hard part begins. My first thought was about the machine gun ammunition that I had stolen when I did my military service. That is where I should start but it was not obvious how. The inner voice keeps repeating the same message, but if we do not heed it it gives up over time. Or rather, maybe we lose the ability to hear. In the end, I decided to write a letter to the colonel in Falun where I had done my military service. He took it upon himself to return the ammunition when I sent it to him privately and decided not to pursue the matter further. I had not been sure of the outcome, so it was a big relief. My trust in the inner voice began there.
It was at least as difficult to follow my second task, to be honest with my parents about the different lives I led at home in the Christian environment and out among friends and comrades. I had to swallow a lot of my pride before I was ready for an honest conversation. I don't know what I had worried about, but our relationship became much closer after this conversation. These experiences of following the inner voice changed me. I had previously been buttoned up and felt that no one really understood me. When I shared the thoughts I had written down with a friend and we had a conversation about our darker sides, I discovered that we had a lot in common. My inner person was no longer hermetically sealed. I felt liberated.
After these first experiences of inner listening and obedience, the voice has become clearer, easier to perceive. However, the need to set things right did not end there. There have been mistakes to admit, bad words to apologize for, bad actions to put right. I can't say that it has become easier, just easier to know what I have to do. The inner voice not only provides correctives but also directives, things to do. However, what is my will and what is the inner voice can sometimes be difficult to keep apart.
It has struck me that many in IofC often refer to a similar first experience. It has been so important to them that they often return to it. However, not everyone seems to have such an experience to share. I have sometimes felt impatient and wished to ‘help’ them to find this experience. It has never ended well. Such a liberating experience is available to everyone, but it is a matter between them and the Creator. I can only be there to listen if the person so wishes.
Lately I have experienced more and more that at any time during the day I can have concrete thoughts or gentle whispers about things to do or not to do. When I have ignored them, it has later become apparent why I should have followed them. Sometimes it is my own person who wishes for something, so I have learned not to just follow all thoughts but to apply some common sense, but I also do not want to miss out on anything that may turn out to be good.
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